March 6

I've been dreading this question since before I ever had kids. Probably since puberty myself. Every parent's favorite, I'm sure. I've been imagining when it would come, how I would answer, what books I'd use to help reinforce what Mark and I had so carefully explained. In all of my wildest dreams I never imagined I'd be answering this question: A) from a 2 1/2 year old or B) posed quite this way.

We'd been watching Bob the Builder a perennial favorite in our house. Bob was doing what he does, every, single, solitary episode; building some god forsaken thing or another. I don't know how this metropolis survives with one bumbling guy and his band of merry men...er merry machines and a female assistant to not only build every structure in town, but also do anything even remotely related to construction. Honestly, I don't think the residents of Sunflower Valley have ever even changed one of their solar powered, energy efficient, LED light bulbs without calling Bob for help. This guy must make a killing; but that's a different story...

Liam, after watching yet another building being erected: "Momma, who built me?"
Momma, after nearly spitting out her coffee in both fear and amusement: "Whaaaa?"
Liam: "Who built me?"
Momma: "Um, er, (thinking quickly) Daddy and I did. And God. We had help from God."
Liam, completely ignoring the God distraction I threw in there to sidetrack him: "Why did you build me?"
Momma: "Because we love you very much and wanted a little boy to play with and love."
Liam: "So...you guys put me in here (points to himself)?"
Momma, beginning to sweat and hoping it stops here: "Um, yeah, kind of. Yes."
Liam: "You guys did a good job."
Momma: "Thanks"

He pauses and give me a minute to sweat it out. I see the wheels turning and I hold my breath in anticipation for the next question.

Liam: "Who built you and Daddy?"

Whew. No, really. He stopped there. He just wanted to know who built a bunch more people. No questions about actual "construction". Nothing about what a "job site" might look like.

I hope this one will hold him for awhile. If not, I'm in serious trouble.

February 26

I think this one deserves to be filed under 'Well, ain't that the truth!'

After full day of driving each other nuts, the boys are still at it. I see Liam try, once again, to grab a toy before Connor can get to it.

Momma: "Liam, Do you think you could play nicely with your brother?"
Liam: "That isn't possible."
Momma: "What did you say?"
Liam, in all earnestness: "That is not possible, Momma."

February 15

Most kids want a pet. Liam is no different. He has been asking for a monkey. Yes, a monkey. I think it is due to his obsession with Curious George. I hope it is due to his obsession with Curious George. I have had a hard time trying to get through to him as to why a monkey isn't the best choice for a pet. I have explained how much work they are. How hard they are to get. How much happier they are in their natural habitats. No dice. The kid wants a monkey.

Today we were watching Sid the Science Kid when Sid started talking about a dog in the neighborhood.

Liam: "Momma, I want a dog for a pet."

YAY! I am happy that he is finally asking for a pet that is something he may actually have a chance of getting someday. I try to control my excitement when I reply.

Momma: "A dog? That's a nice pet to have."
Liam: "Yes, I'd like a dog to go with my monkey."

February 9

We had a few friends over for dinner last night. I made some pizza and a salad, nothing fancy. Liam, unlike most 2 1/2 year olds is much more interested in the salad than the pizza. Specifically the grape tomatoes in the salad. As soon as he realized the tomatoes were in the salad he proceeded to ask everyone at the table if they were going to eat their tomatoes.

Liam: "I can help you with your tomatoes if you want, Amy"
Liam: "Are you going to eat that tomato, Sherri?"
Momma: "Liam, eat some more of your pizza and then we'll give you some more tomatoes."
(Yes, I know this sounds crazy. What mother says this? Yes, son, please put down that healthy vegetable/fruit and have some more fatty junk food. I was just thinking of the protein in the cheese and the acid in the tomatoes.)
Liam, after a few (OK, two) bites of pizza: "More tomatoes now, Daddy?"
Daddy: "What's the magic word?" We've never used this phrase with him before, apparently...
Liam: "MAGIC WORD!"
Daddy: "Do you know the magic word?"
Liam: "Magic?"
Daddy: "Please. Can I have some more tomatoes, please?"
Liam: "Can I have some more tomatoes and the magic word....pleeeeease?"
Yeah, we'll be working on that one :).

P.S. Just a quick shout out. If you like this blog, try my other blog at:
http://dayinthelifekgp.blogspot.com/

February 4

After a long morning of mostly ignored requests and general disobedience (doesn't that sound like a punk rock band title, btw?) I was at my wits end. I left the boys downstairs for a moment with the instructions, "Momma is going upstairs to get some clothes for you guys. I will be back down in one minute. Please stay right here."

I reach the top of the stairs and open the door to the boys' armoire. No screaming, crashing, or other warning signs...doing well so far. Then I hear the telltale creak of the door at the bottom of the stairs. I whip around the corner faster than you can say "no more patience" and see Liam start to climb up the stairs.

Momma: "I asked you to wait downstairs, little boy. I will be down in one minute, if you take one more step up those stairs, so help me, I will put you in time out."
Liam, stops in his tracks (I told you he was smart), but looks quite confused: "I don't think I want to help you, Momma. I'll stay downstairs."

February 2

Random Conversations with Liam: Part 1:


Television: "...blah blah...my girlfriend was asking...blah blah blah..."
Liam: "Are you a girlfriend, Momma?"
Me: "No, bud, I'm a wife. A girlfriend is..."
Liam, interrupting: "Is Emily a girlfriend? She's a girl. I'm a boy and Connor is a boy."
Me: "Not exactly."
Liam: "I used to have girlfriend before. I don't want have one anymore."

January 21

Time out. Naughty chair. Punishment. No matter what you call it, we use it with an ever growing frequency these days. Liam is a big fan of pushing the limits. He gets in trouble for two reasons, he's testing or he's bored. I can see his wheels turning as he does whatever it is he shouldn't be doing. Will I get away with it? Am I really not supposed to do this? What if I try it in another room/with another toy/on another person? The long arm of the law is pretty good at catching up with him. Our "prison cell" is an average wooden dining room chair. It gets pulled up to the wall and Liam sits for two minutes while he thinks about what he did (a mother can dream, right?). I've heard various things come from Liam while he's in time out. Most are requests to get up or murmurings about what got him in trouble in the first place.

Liam, from time out...fourth trip today: "I'm going to listen now, Momma. This chair isn't very comfortable, you know!"

January 20

Okay, this may not be as humorous as most things that come out of my little boy's mouth, but for my own sake this tidbit needed saving. I made one of Liam's favorites for dinner this evening; tacos, rice, and beans. After sitting down to his plate and eating for a full five minutes without saying anything (minor miracle) he finally comes up for air.

Liam: "This is a delicious dinner. This is the best dinner ever."
Mark: "You really love tacos, huh Bud?"
Liam: "You are the best cooker ever, Momma"

How sweet is that? I reserve the right to remind him of this once he's had the opportunity to be cooked for by more than like five people :).

January 19

While playing outside in our crazy snow filled yard Liam was able to get to his playhouse. The snow reached nearly to the top of the door so he had a hard time opening it. After struggling for a few minutes he decided to get in the easy way and just slid in over the side. The snow was so high it was as if he dropped down into the house instead of being on level with the rest of the ground. Once he got inside he got down to business, literally. One of his favorite games is playing drive-thru at the window in the back of the house. Even Connor gets in the game pretending to gather the order for Liam.

Liam: "Momma?"
Me: "Yes, Liam?"
Liam: "What can I get you, sir?"
Me: "I'm not a sir, I'm a ma'am or a miss. Men are sirs."
Liam: "Okay. What can I get for you, sir?"
Me: "Liam! I'm not a sir!"
Liam: "Do you want to order something anyway?"

January 12

We had a very special treat for dinner last night. I don't know who likes it more, Liam or Daddy. It was a "Breakfast for Dinner" night. We had the whole spread; scrambled eggs with green peppers, potatoes, sausage, waffles, coffee (well that part was for Momma) and juice. Daddy was so thrilled with his fare he started singing aloud. Normally the boys love when Daddy is goofy, which happens fairly often as I'm sure any of you who know Mark can guess :P. Tonight Connor was thrilled and laughing his head off as Mark went on singing about random things. Liam, however, was in a more serious mood.

Liam: "Please stop, Daddy"
Mark: "Stop what, bud? Singing?"
Liam: "Yes."
Mark: "Why? I like singing."
Liam points to his Red Sox cup: "Because Daddy, it says right here, No Singing. See? R-E-D-S-O-X spells no singing. Sorry Daddy, no singing allowed."

January 8

This morning as we were going through the usual morning routine I mentioned it was breakfast time. Liam hasn't been feeling all that well so his appetite has been pretty weak. I figured I'd surprise him with one of his favorites for breakfast, knowing he'd eat pretty well.

Momma: "How would you like some scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast?"
Liam: "No, thank you. I don't want eggs."
Momma: "You don't want eggs? Okay, I'll make waffles and sausage instead."
Liam: "Can I have a salami and cheese sandwich, please?"
Momma: "No, pumpkin, I've told you before, salami sandwiches are not a breakfast food. We can have a sandwich for lunch, okay?"
Liam: "Can we have lunch for breakfast, Momma?"

January 1, Happy New Year!

File this under 'yet another weird thing my son wants to be when he grows up'...

Liam: "Did you do that when you were a little boy, Momma?"
Me: "I wasn't a little boy, bud, Momma was a girl when she was little. Girls grow up to be women and boys grow up to be men."
Liam: "So you weren't a boy like me?"
Me: "Nope. Daddy used to be a little boy."
Liam: "Daddy used to be a little boy and now he's a daddy?"
Me: "Yup. You're a little boy now and you can be a daddy when you grow up if you want to be."
Liam: "No. I don't want to be a daddy. I want to be Chuck E. Cheese."